Adeel Malik
Parenthood is blessed and beautiful. Most parents would say that. But parenthood comes with a huge responsibility upon the parents to nurture their children rightfully and give them a correct upbringing.
A Muslim parent, Fahmid Al Farid wrote a passionate Facebook post in relation to how Muslim parents are falling short in their disciplining of their children according to the Prophetic way. He wrote,
Recognise that your child…is just a child. He/she isn’t an adult.
For the religion (of Islam) recognises that.
Which is why he/she isn’t held to account for any religious obligation until he/she hits puberty, and then he/she is treated as a fully accountable adult.
So you are not allowed to hit him (lightly with a twig) until he is at least 10 years old and even then for something as serious in the religion as refusing to pray. And this hit is not to punish, it is to discipline. Because it’s not even a proper hit, it’s light tap on the hand to make him pay attention.
12 quick but highly effective ways for Muslim parents to inspire manners to their children
So what is with parents who are so quick to punish a 3 year old for spilling a drink? Or to shout at them angrily when they break something. As if this 3 year old should know better?
Where does this behaviour stand in our religion? I’ll tell you where it stands. It stands on the side of oppression.
Because you have harmed a human whose mind isn’t even fully developed and is still figuring out himself and the world around him. That’s unfair and that’s oppression.
Rather, in disciplining a child, the way of our Prophet (peace be upon him) is to always focus on teaching what is the right thing to do and emphasising it over and over and over (and overrrrr) again, or to remove him from the situation (eg, if he is hitting other children, bring him away and talk to him nicely, or take away the toy that is causing the fight, but don’t hit him).
Our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) was related to have never raised his hand, nor voice against ANYONE, be it man, woman, children, servant, or slave.
Unless it was in battle, and even then it was usually on the defence and never on the offence.
- Hitting is not the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
- Shouting is not the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
- Condemning is not the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
- Hurtful sarcasm is not the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
- Using harsh words or negative terms like stupid, naughty, clumsy, useless is definitely not the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
Rather,
- Positive words of encouragement is the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
- Hugging and dhikr is the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
- Speaking with a soft voice and carrying a smiling face is the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
- Reminding, reminding, reminding, is the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
- Calling others with good positive names is the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
- MERCY and FORGIVENESS and PARDONING is definitely the way of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
Finishing off, every parent should keep this hadith in your mind and reflect upon it regularly as to how is our parenthood.
“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.” He said: and I think he said, “A man is the shepherd of his father’s wealth and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”
(Bukhari, 583; Muslim, 1829)
